But It's Not Even Leather: Obama/Bobbit '08

If I were Barack Obama, I would do the following:

1) Call up homegirl and say, "White Girl, you're done. Buh-bye."

2) Call up the creator and founder of But It's Not Even Leather and say, "I think I've got this nomination in the bag, but I'm struggling. I need someone with foreign policy heft, someone with experience, but not a Washington player. Everyone keeps crying, Joe Biden! Ted Strickland! But I just don't know. Oh wise blogger of But It's Not Even Leather, who should I choose?"

To which I would respond, have I got some brilliant suggestions for you. Have you considered...

A Movie Star?

Morgan Freeman. He certainly convinced me he was Presidential in Deep Impact.

Will Smith. He can beat aliens; surely he can solve the energy crisis.

Bette Midler. The country is certainly ready for a Jewish-American-Hawaiin triple threat. She could sing the Beaches soundtrack during Senate fillibusters.

Al Pacino. Hey Ahmadinejad, you really want to fuck with THE Godfather?

A Truly Frightening Movie Mogul

Harvey Weinstein. Honestly, I'd love to see him in a room with Ahmadinejad.

Or, A Different Kind of Harvey?

Harvey Fierstein. Ok, I'd really love to see his meeting with Ahmadinejad. Uh-mazing. Plus, he could totally charm those blue collar, working white voters in outfits like this one.

Mama Rose?

Patti LuPone. She's probably going to win a Tony in June. Why not the Vice-Presidency in November?

A Weatherman? (No, not Bill Ayers!)

Al Roker! A friendly face who can cheerfully report the weather each morning from the steps of the Capitol. "It's a frigid, snowy day here in Washington, and also, Larry Craig is looking for some skiing materials in the 3rd floor men's restroom."

A Friend Who Will Always Know Your Name?

Rhea Perlman. She'll dispense sound advice over beers.

A Diet Self-Help Motivational Speaker?

Susan Powter. Remember her? Yeah, me neither.

America's Most Celebrated Photographer?

Annie Liebowitz. If the country's ready for a black man as president, why not a Jewish lesbian as his running mate? And consider the great Vanity Fair spreads!

Speaking of Jews...

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Everyone loves Shalom in the Home! Plus, he was on Oprah, and would certainly deflect Rev. Wright criticism. Don't you think this face would sell in West Virginia?

My Mother?

Ellen Harmon. Why not? If what you need is a white woman lawyer and you don't want Hillary, she's a pretty solid choice. But I'm biased.

A Woman Politician?

Sen Claire McCaskill (D-MO). Obama fan from the start, blonde female Senator from a swing state, good for the ticket, good for the heart. Love her.

Ok, No More Messing Around. If Hillary has taught us anything, the country is not only ready for a woman in charge, but they like them feisty. Real fiesty. Well, sorry Hill, but you're a Georgia peach compared to these broads. Who wouldn't love to see Obama take office with one of these legends from the 90's?